My mother always emphasized that “it is better to give than to receive.” I didn’t understand this statement as a child; I loved receiving those birthday and Christmas gifts. My parents were great present-givers.

I also heard her mother say, “I would rather do it myself.” I think that was her sweet, Southern self saying that she didn’t like asking for help. She would also say, “If you want something done right, just do it yourself.” She believed she could do a better job. Oh, there is so much psychology behind those statements.

Those beliefs bound me into thinking that I had to do everything by myself. Asking for help was not something that had been modeled for me with all the strong, independent, hard-working people who raised me.

But, then a brain-damaged baby was born, and then a husband was diagnosed with cancer. Through those days, I could not keep up with all the demands of life. Unfortunately, I had never learned how to ask for help.

I had to begin to unravel the parts of my parents’ and grandparents’ statements and examples that held me in bondage. Why was it so hard to admit that I needed help?

Asking for help can be seen as a sign of weakness, and who wants to admit they are weak? I sure didn’t. I was afraid that people would think less of me. I was also afraid of rejection, one of my biggest fears in life.

I didn’t want to appear to be too needy or to impose on a friendship. I didn’t want to bother anyone’s life. My shyness didn’t want to admit more people into my life.

Asking for help involves a risk. I was not and am still not a risk-taker. We might be criticized, misunderstood, or rejected. None of these are pleasant.

Help was pressed upon me by dear Christians who knew that I needed help. They cleaned my house, they bought groceries for our family, they sat with me during my husband’s surgeries, they did what they could with the gifts and resources they had been given. Had they not received those gifts, they would never have been able to share those resources with my family at the time we needed them.

Receiving means laying down pride, fears, and control. We can all do more together than we can alone. If I had rejected their gifts, they would not have received the blessing God wanted to give to them. Do you see a circular pattern here? A giver has to receive in order to give to someone who receives from the giver.

I had to face my true self, work through those teachings I heard, and find out how to receive a gift from God through other people. Was it hard? Yes. I have never liked to admit defeat of control and perfectionism.

God knew my heart needed some lessons. My pride and independence needed to be chiseled out of my heart. Trials are painful, but the lessons learned are sweet. I can honestly say that if God gave me the choice of returning what I have learned about Him and about myself in order to have my family members back with me in the same condition that my choice would be to remain who I am because of what He taught me.

How do we gracefully receive?

• Lay down the pride and fear.

• Pray for your needs asking God for His help and guidance.

• Watch how He answers.