STUCK

I have felt stuck these past few weeks in my writing. My desire to tell my story chronologically has put my memories in the middle of my first husband’s cancer diagnosis. These memories are difficult to reconstruct into words.

Do you, too, feel stuck? In a circumstance? In waiting? In grief? In uncertainty? Perhaps, in busyness? (Ouch, that one hurt.)

There are so many circumstances in our lives from which we cannot remove ourselves; cancer is definitely one of them. Day after day, the reality of life has to be faced. However, we do not have to be bogged down in hopelessness, grief, busyness, sin, or uncertainty.

How can we free ourselves from this stickiness? How can we move through the gumminess that is holding us back from the abundant life Jesus talks about in the Bible?

Living with cancer felt much like a rollercoaster ride to me. Up, up, up in my daily duties and joys, then the diagnosis at the top of the rails, the terror on the way down to the bottom, a sliver of hope tossed to us, going up, up, up, rising with that sliver, another toss of a test result, then down to the reality that the cancer was still there, and the ride continued.

After my husband, Slick, and I made the decision to have his tumor removed, our ride with cancer seemed like the worst rollercoaster in the world (and I like to ride rollercoasters). His surgery was successful, then the test results were not good enough for the experimental treatments. Other treatments were found and seemed to work, so he had a period of feeling well enough to go on a short mission trip with the seminary. I received some promotions at work which helped us financially. The tumors were not growing…click, click, click…as the ride rose to hope…then the frightful ride back down as more tumors were found.

Our circumstances may have held us in a place with some hopelessness due to the cancer. Our lives were encompassed with the duties of the disease. Looking back through my memories of those days, I can see that we were being transformed through that miry pit of cancer.

How? How can a person manage while being stuck?

Psalm 37:3 – Trust in the Lord, and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

First, we have to trust God; we have to have an assured reliance on Him. He knew exactly where we were back then with cancer. He knows where you are at this very moment in whatever glue you feel you may be in. Trust God. His ways and thoughts are greatly higher than ours.

Second, while trusting Him, we are to do good. Doing is an action verb (I know it well). We have to obey Him. We have to listen to what He says.

How does He speak? He wrote His words down in the Bible. We need to read His words and do the things He tells us to do. (I John 2:5 – But whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him.)

Third, we are to dwell in the land. The word, dwelling, seems like such an old Western or a house in the prairie kind of word to me. It actually means “to remain for a time.” We are to remain in the land right where God places us for the time He chooses. While dwelling, we are to trust Him and do good. Dwell in His Word. Pull up a chair and sit with Him. Allow His hope, His comfort, His mercy, His grace, His peace, and His guidance to wash through you. Linger. Persist.

As we dwell, we are cultivating faithfulness. To cultivate means to “prepare and use” or to “foster the growth of.” God fosters the growth of our faithfulness when we remain with Him for a time. He is preparing us to be used for His work and for His glory.

Those months and years on the crazy cancer ride taught me to trust God, to remain with Him. I was actually hanging on for dear life if truth be told (and truth-telling is my goal here). During those white-knuckle, clinging-to-life days, God was nurturing the growth of my faithfulness to Him in those moments I chose to trust and obey Him.

He had a plan for me that I couldn’t see at the time because I was too busy clinging and trusting Him. But my faithfulness did grow in those years, and God has used my faithfulness to Him in ways I never thought possible.

Are you stuck?

Trust in the Lord.

Do good.

Dwell in the land.

Cultivate faithfulness.

Psalm 40:1-2 - I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

God will rescue you and me from being stuck.