The Why of the Wilderness

Space exploration for the United States has increased again. Why? Why are we spending money, time, resources, and lives to see what is out in the galaxies, moons, and planets? Why aren’t we spending that money to resolve the issues on I-20 and I-30 that plague my routes to my favorite places? That seems like a better way to spend taxpayer money in my humble opinion.

Why? That word has been bouncing around, literally, in my brain these past few weeks. Why am I so fatigued during this busy season of Christmas? (It’s a symptom of my heart condition.) Why can I not feel this way another time? Why am I trying to “do all the things?” Why do I like certain things? Why do I want certain things? Why am I asking why all the time?

I am a member of a Facebook Bible study group that is reading 2 Samuel right now. Today, our reading was in chapter 15 where David finds out that the people of Israel now want to follow his son, Absalom; so, David flees Jerusalem with the people that are still with him to avoid death from his son. Verse 23 says, “…and all the people passed over toward the way of the wilderness.”

That is where I feel I am headed. Key word: feel. Right now, my questions of why are based on my feelings. My body feels fatigued. My brain feels like it isn’t working; and when it is, it feels like it is processing very slowly. I feel like I am heading toward a wilderness. I really feel like I have already arrived.

But as David told Zadok the priest, I want to tell God, “See, I am going to wait at the fords of the wilderness until word comes from you to inform me.” (Verse 28) David went up to the summit of the Mount of Olives “where God was worshipped.” Where God was worshipped!!

The wilderness is not a bad place to be. God can still be worshipped in the wilderness. God is worshipped in the wilderness. A word from God will come in the wilderness.

When he was around 15 years old, my son asked me once again as to why I was so overprotective. Having already watched my daughter pass away, I am sure I kept him as close to me as possible. I told him that it was “his lot in life” having been born after my daughter’s death. That answer seemed to satisfy his “why.” He never asked that question again. I am slowly understanding that God is trying to tell me that my physical health condition is “my lot in life.”

Now, what do I do with this “lot in life?”

I am going to wait at the ford of this current wilderness for God’s word. I am going to worship my Savior and Lord, the King of Kings, during this season of celebration of His birth and during my wilderness season. There may not be much dancing in the Spirit. There may not even be much walking in the Spirit. But there will be waiting in the Spirit.

“Cease striving, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 NASB

My “why” may never be answered this side of heaven. I have a long, long, long list of “why” questions that have not been answered. God, however, has spoken to these questions. Trust Me. Trust Me. Trust Me.

“For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.” 2 Corinthians 4:15-17 NASB

He is working! I am waiting and worshipping.